A Blythe Epiphany

...now with more curry

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Epiphany and Michelle's High School Reunion

'Tis time.
My 15 Year High School reunion is coming up. Fifteen Years. And what have I done with my life, besides delay maturity? Let me get back to you on that.

All of the people who are sending me reminders have quite thoughtfully included their married name in all correspondence, lest I get confused. For some, I even have photos of their happy family, kids and all. Sweet.
I am so very torn over this. Do I go, if only to represent the Bridget Joneses of my class? Do I laugh smugly at those who've put on weight, if only to cover my jealousy at their familial bliss (most likely the cause of their extra pounds)? Do I invite a handsome male friend to accompany me and pretend to dote upon me so I can show everyone back home that I am, in fact, not covered in scales?
Or do I stay away, and let them speculate what wild and glamorous things I do with my loads of single-girl free time?

Nah. I'm a really bad liar, and really, what would be the point?
The grass is always gonna be greener, right?
The truth is, I'm happy. Sure, there are things I'd thought I would have done by now that I haven't, but there are also things I'd never even thought of that I have managed to accomplish. And I'd bet everybody there has some things that they're proud of, as well as some things they wish were different.
No, I should go, dressed as myself (on a good day), and enjoy reminiscing and reconnecting with old(e) friends.


That is, of course, unless I have better plans.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Able to Exhale

There are some people who, in times of great stress, frustration or high emotion, write as a way to vent some of the excess. Clearly I am not one of those people.

This past weekend we opened the big show that has had me more than the usual amount of freaked out. This play's story is one that I've felt more personally than I've let on to those around me. So I really wanted to get it right. And it's beautifully written, so I've been especially careful to try and get every word as the playwright intended. This is not as easy as it sounds. And I'm sure I haven't yet gotten it completely right, but I've come close enough to feel pretty good about it.
So anyway, it's open. The bird is in flight. We still have two more weekends of it, and if you come to see it, I personally promise to give you the best performance that I can. I love this show, I love this cast, and I want to share it with as many people as I can. For those of you who don't know, this show is why I do theatre.

If you want to come see it, but don't know which show I'm talking about, post a comment below and I'll tell you.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Random...

Don't ask me why I suddenly decided to do one of these things. Must be all drugs I didn't do in the Sixties.

Autobiography

1. Where did you take your default pic? Bryant Park, In-Why-See
2. What exactly are u wearing right now? Grey top, grey pants,...hmm.
3. What is your current problem? Not enough time
4. What makes you most happy? Travel
5. Whats the name of the song that you're listening to? The Calling (Eric Clapton & Santana)
6. Any celeb you would marry? Liev Schreiber. (see previous posts)
7. Name someone with the same birthday as you? Ira Gershwin, Joyce Kilmer, Dave Brubeck, Steven Wright, Peter Buck, Tom Hulce...lots of men, lots of musicians. huh.
8. Ever sang in front of a large audience? Jaiss.
9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? I used to get Kirstie Alley (when I was 12), then Helen Hunt (when I was 20), then Bridget Fonda (late 20's), now I get Emily Watson.
11. Do you speak any other languages? un peu de francais. Mais juste un peu.
12. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? Yes.
13. Do you ever watch MTV? Not since they used to play videos.
14. Whats something that really annoys you? don't get me started.

Chapter 1:
1.Middlename: Christine
2.Nickname: Muffin, Doll, Dollface
3.Current location: desk
4.Eye color: light green


Chapter 2:
1.Do you live with your parents: no
2.Do you get along with your parent(s): very much so, yes.
3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced: Married. still. Always.
4.Do you have any Siblings: one bruddah.

Chapter 3:
1. Ice Cream: Starbucks Coffee Almond fudge.
2. Season: whichever is next.
3. Shampoo/conditioner: does anybody care?

Chapter 4: Do You...
1.Dance in the shower: but that would be dangerous...
2.Write on your hand: yes-it's the original Palm Pilot
3.Call people back: sometimes
4.Believe in love: Very much so,, yes. But I must admit, my faith is being tested.
5.Sleep on a certain side of the bed: topside.
6.Have A Bad Habit: sure

Chapter 5: Have You...
1.Broken a bone: several.
2.Sprained stuff: yup.
3.Had physical therapy: yup
4.Gotten stitches: yup
5.Taken painkillers: jaiss
6.Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling: yepper
8.Thrown up at the dentist: no
9.Sworn in front of your parents: yeah. whups.
10.Had detention: probably. can't remember. that was a lifetime ago.
11.Been sent to the principal's office: probably
12.Been called a hoe: no, but I've dated a few rakes in my time.

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
1.Movie(s): Match Point
2.Person to text you: I'm a texting virgin. I've given, but never recieved.
3.Person to call you?: Weetman
4.Person who hugged you: Tom
5.Person who tackled you: Doug?
6.Thing you touched: coffee mug (not counting the obvious keyboard)
7.Thing you ate: Pepperoni
8.Thing you drank: Coffee
9. Friend you miss the most that moved: Heather, but we both moved, so it's not her fault.

Friday, August 04, 2006

And then it rained.

You know how during a drought, just before the rains come, the earth seems tense, stretched, like it’s just begging for some relief, for Pity’s Sake?? And then it does rain, and everything relaxes. We can finally get some peace. We can stop having to try so hard just to do the things that normally come so easily.

Yes, we’ve been in a heatwave lately. And yes, there was a little rain today, with the promise of more throughout the next week. At long last, we don’t have to worry where our next breeze is coming from. Yes, that is a relief. But that’s not what this post is about.

It’s on a more personal level than that. And it’s shocking what little it took to get the clouds to break.

First, a little background: I won’t go into everything, because there’s a lot, it would take a while, and frankly, it’s personal and none o’ ya dang bidness. But I will say that I’ve felt blocked in more than one area of my life (home, work, art, romance, friends, …). I keep making mental lists of all that needs to get done, all the things I need to do to ‘fix’ my life. And there’s just so much. I mean, where do I start? Where could I possibly start? And it’s the same feeling in all of these areas. It’s felt like everything’s just bottlenecking, and if I could figure out how to get one thing started, the rest would come more easily and fall in line behind it, but I just have to figure out which one to start with and how to get it sorted out.

So the main thing, the thing that’s been most pressing, has been the show I’m working on. That sounds so shallow and “actor-y,” but there’s just something about this one. It’s difficult. And Good. There’s just something in it that connects with me, but I’ve not been able to express it. I can read it and understand it, but I haven’t been able to get it to come out right. I’ve been making excuses for myself:
…it’s too hot in the rehearsal space, …I’ll be fine once I get the lines learned solidly, …it’s a chemistry thing. And of course, all of that is complete rubbish. I just have to stop getting in my own way.

“Stop getting in my own way.” That sounds like such a cliché, so trite, and what does it really mean anyway?

Well.
Tonight we were in rehearsal, and I just wasn’t feeling it. I was tired, my back was hurting, it was probably 90 degrees in the rehearsal space, I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t get my head into the place it needed to be to do the scene adequately, nevermind well.
But the Director was being so very patient with me. She would call me on it when I wasn’t doing it right, but she wouldn’t yell or punish. She would just say matter-of-factly that it needed to be done differently.
And then we got to The Big Scene. I don’t want to give anything away to the one or two of you who read this that might get the chance to come and see the show, but it’s a big, emotional scene. Not the kind of thing you want to try when you’re having trouble focusing. We went through about half of it, and the Director stopped us. She gave us a couple of notes to try and then she said to me, “if it’s okay with you, when we run it again, I’m just going to put my hand over your stomach.”

“…Huh?”

“I’m going to put my hand on your stomach. I think it will help you.”

“But- …is it- am I not supporting my voice properly??”

“No, that’s not it at all. I just think it will help you emotionally.”

“uhm……Okay.”

And we ran through the scene again from the top. And she did what she said she was going to do. When we got to the tough bits, she stood behind me, and reached around and put her hand on my stomach. And she just left it there while I did my lines.
And I don’t know how it happened, but I haven’t wept like that in years. The tears weren’t coming out of my eyes, they were coming out of my soul. She helped me to get out of my own stupid way and just let go and follow where the text took me. And suddenly everything made so much sense. I understood way down deep why this character felt so strongly about what she was saying. I could see why she was fighting, what exactly it was she thought she was fighting for, and why it was so important that she lose that fight.
And oh, the relief, such sweet relief came flooding over me. I can't explain why this was so important to me, when others have so much more significant problems, other than to say that it goes deeper than a script, deeper than just acting. This. This is why I do "this acting thing." There's just so much more to it than simply "acting." It's the search for the meaning and the connection, the struggle, and the sweet unbelievable feeling of success when you find it at last.

I do so love the rain, don’t you?