feeling like i've failed her

I haven't posted in a few days. It's not that nothing's been happening, or that I had nothing to talk about, but more that I had something very specific to talk about, but didn't know where to begin. I still don't know where to begin, but I think part of the point of blogs is to work things out. Like a diary. sorta.
Vivi's mother died on Sunday. I found out Monday when I read her blog. I can't imagine the kind of pain and grief that brings. I wish I could provide some solace, but I don't know what to do. Anything I think of either won't work in practice, or seems too little. But in the meantime, I feel like I'm doing nothing, and that feels even worse. I'm hoping that there will be a chance to visit with her in the next week or two while she's in the States, and that that might bring her some comfort.
Part of what makes this difficult is that in times like this, you put yourself in the other person's shoes, and try to figure out what would make them feel better. And if you've gone through that type of experience, you're better able to understand what it feels like, and how to try to help. But I find that I cannot even begin to "go there." As much as I want to empathize, it's too much. My heart, or mind, won't allow me to contemplate the loss of a parent. It won't allow me to even view the very tip of that iceberg.
I guess that's just the sort of thing that we, as humans, deal with as we need to. ...on a need-to-deal-basis only. We are given the ability to deal with grief as best we can at the time it happens. We go through inconsolable sobbing, reminiscing, laughing through tears, stillness, the need to be alone or the need to be with others, and anything else in our labyrinth of emotions to get to acceptance at the center.
So I guess this is what I have to offer: understanding that she is going through something that is a "path she must walk alone." And, if she needs me for anything, I will do all I can to be there for her.