Associations

Have you ever had a piece of music that you associate so much with a particular time in your life that you can't hear it without thinking of that time? I have several of these, but the most extreme example is an entire album. I played that suckah OUT all during my college years. And yes, Vivi, it IS the one you're thinking about.
So this album, I absolutely loved. And I believe I fell in love with a man partly because he seemed to appreciate the album as much as I did. You wouldn't think it's much to base a relationship on, but for anyone who's felt this strong of a connection to any piece of music, it's not that much of a stretch.
Well this relationship, it didn't go so well. Much heartache, buckets of tears. I was young and stupid, and hadn't yet learned that if he's not willing to go a certain (reasonable) distance to make the relationship work, then he does not love me enough. And if he keeps saying that he does love me and still is not willing to give a little, then he is stringing me along and is not worth my time. Perhaps this sounds harsh to those who don't know me, but for those who do, you're probably breathing a sigh of relief that this Did. Finally. Get Through My Thick Skull. And just so you know, the italics and boldface type above are as much for my own benefit as anyone else's. Just because I did finally see the light doesn't mean I can just forget or ignore the mistakes and lessons of my past. Please, DEAR GOD, don't let me be doomed to repeat that history.
Anyway. I could write a book on that time and that guy and that heartache, but ...well, ...bygones, ya know? So back to this album. I played it So much, and associated it So closely with this relationship, that I've had a hard time listening to it for the past several years. It was too painful. And that was such a shame, because I really missed the music. I wanted to listen, but it always made me hurt. Quite sad, really.
But.
Today, I added one song from that album to my windows media playlist. It was a song that I didn't feel as strong of an association with, and I mixed it in with all my other music, so I didn't have the combined effect of all the songs on the album, played in their original order. And I'm pleased to say that I enjoyed it without thinking of anything other than the music. Score one for me.

Here are the lyrics to that song, and they're rather apropos to what I'm feeling right now:

When I got back to my hometown

I saw the ghosts of yesterday

And my godmother bless her soul

She still lives down this way

Remember when I was just a kid

And she would tell a story

Of the rainbowRainbow

I come to you with an empty heart

It's locked and I've lost the key

Now she was old and almost blind

But she sees more than you or me

With her cane pointed towards the sky

She said I'll know if you've heard

The silence between the words

Of the rainbowRainbow

No one knowsWhere the rainbow goes

Walk down the long road

Your back against the wind

Where you can lose yourself again

I've been down the old road

But that was long ago

I want you to walk with me

When the rains come again

And shine this light over you

RainbowThat's the sign of the rainbow

Walk on down the hard road

That's buried in your soul

And you can feel the light within

Go upon the mountain

That's painted in the sky

I want you to ride with me

When the rains come again

And I will carry you home

Walk in to the rainbow

The halo of the sun

And you will dance the song of light

I could see forever

High upon the hill

I want you to walk with me

When the rains come again

And shine this light over you

RainbowRainbow