I think I prefer the root canal

Well folks, it's time.
Time for that activity every woman dreads.
Time to bathe in the hot glare of harsh judgment and fluorescent lighting.
Time to face the reality that I am not what I thought I was.

Time to go swimsuit shopping.

It's not because I don't have any bathing suits already. It's just that they're ALL SO OLD that the elastic's shot in EVERY ONE OF THEM. Don't think I didn't try with the irrepressible glimmer of optimism to fit into the suit I wore in high school. Or the ones that I had back when I was a lifeguard (and getting regular exercise). Or the one that I bought on a whim a few years ago when I stopped into one of those dreadful Wings stores literally en route to the beach.

But I can't deny it any longer.

It. Is. Time.

I'm heading out today. I've chosen one store and one store alone that I will try. No sense in the self-flagellation of repeated unfruitful trips to many stores, subjecting myself to repeated viewings of my fish-belly white flesh in the dressing room mirrors. If I find nothing in the first store, then it's not meant to be. Wish me luck.

And no, there will not be any pictures.

UPDATE:

Well, that was bloody awful.

They have suits in every color of the rainbow, and some that aren't, but they're all the same stupid style and cut. The stupid style and cut that makes me look I have no butt (no easy task), and my upper body has been borrowed from a quarterback with breast implants...on his armpits.

And they were ALL like that. Why, WHY, WHYYYY?!? They've acknowledged the fact that all women are built differently by allowing you to purchase the tops and bottoms seperately - so you can buy a small top and medium bottom, for example. Or mix and match the colors and patterns to...ahem, accentuate the positive, as it were. But, BUT. They totally negate any benefit of that versatility by making all the tops and all of the bottoms the same shape and style. So to get to the point, for the moment I remain sans maillot.

may the fleas of a thousand camels,...etc. etc.